22nd June 17

Yesterday I had what it seemed a bit revelation with my therapist. But actually, I’m not at all surprised that once again I’m lacking balance.

I became very serious and determined in my recovery, wanting to get better, help more people, be more, do more. I have found so many ways that nourish my mental health. But I forgot the balance, the fun, the letting go and doing things that actually feel good but are not necessarily unhealthy.
I don’t drink like a lot of people my age, which already puts me out of most social circles.  I’ve struggled with agoraphobia which leaves me out of everything else.
So I guess it’s understandable why my recovery became my priority. I really want to go out, be able to do ‘normal’, things & fully enjoy life.
But how am I meant to do that, if recovery has become another thing I put so much pressure on!?

My old therapist, every session would remind me to treat myself, do something fun, nice for myself, especially after doing exposures. If you’re doing exposure therapy you knoww how intense that shit can be (but also how helpful and rewarding it can be too)!! So it would seem perfectly acceptable to just let yourself be, and not expect even more of yourself..

Well, it’s safe to say I forgot to do that. I’d just do more yoga, meditation, read/watch/listen to more inspirational, philosophy, spiritual teachers. All those are great, but every time I’d watch something else or do anything else, I’d almost make myself feel guilty for it.

Balance is so important, yet it can be so challenging to maintain.
But, I’m trying.
Yesterday, I watched a movie, without replying to people or checking my emails, I put my phone down. It felt so good!!
Today I did one of my exposures in the morning. I then cuddled Millie a lot, and had ice cream for breakfast!
I guess it’s about adding those little things into our lives that will make us feel good, and not feel guilty for doing them!

So here’s your friendly reminder to go and do something nice for yourself, treat yourself! Even if that means staying in bed, in pj’s all day, or watching Netflix! Whatever makes you feel good!
And don’t forget to laugh, have fun, be silly, be childish, be you!💕

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