Recovery is about constantly pushing through our struggles. Pushing past our comfort zones, challenging ourselves in ways we once thought were impossible.
In order to grow, we have to face those things, the things that make us feel vulnerable.
I constantly try to challenge myself, and even when I don’t, life always makes sure to throw some hurdles at me. As much as at the time I may struggle, eventually, I realise time and time again just how much I needed that to grow and to move forward.
Learning to embrace my body has been a huge theme of this year. The body that has always been there for me, yet the same one I despite and hurt for way too long. Every abuse I experienced was trapped inside of my body. Part of me thought I had some control over the abuse that I’ve experienced, the part that made me feel guilty for every ‘bad’ thing that happened in my life. Angry, at myself, for putting up with it, for not being able to stop things that were happening to me or the people around me.
Now, I’m actually able to sit with my self, my body and make peace with it, yet it can feel so vulnerable to do. But I’m learning, always. I try to stay with those uncomfortable feelings/emotions that come up. I try to be aware of my thoughts.
I’m learning to be my own best friend, to accept myself just as I am right now.
I’m learning not to push away the people who love and care about me. As well as let new people into my life. Which I’ve realised is actually extremely terrifying for me. There’s still part of me that sees the world and everything as a dangerous place, even though it might seem this way, I’m actually extremely privileged to be living in a relatively safe area and I’m learning to convince my monkey mind the same.
I am incredibly grateful for the most wonderful people I have in my life. People who actually love and care about me, the ones I’ve learned to open up to, to let in. Those people give me so much hope and faith in humanity.
I have made a lot of progress with embracing those vulnerable parts, and diving deeper.
Here are some of my little tips on how I do it:
- Name it!! – What makes you feel vulnerable??
- Be aware of it/ Dig deeper – For example, when I realised I’ve been scared of getting into relationships (naming it), I tried to be more aware of what’s going on deeper, what my feelings, emotions are about this situation.
- Don’t judge – You’re feeling vulnerable, uncomfortable, great! You’re a human, we feel things. Most of us have been through a lot, the way we behave, think, has a lot to do with our past actions/situations, but we are not them. We don’t need to judge ourselves and make ourselves feel bad about what we feel.
- Do something about it! – For me it’s writing this post, letting those thoughts out in the world. Do what makes you feel vulnerable. One little step at the time. Lean into discomfort.
- Check in with yourself – ALWAYS. No matter what the situation is, sometimes our vulnerability is actually our gut instinct. Some situations, people might really not be the right ones for us. So trust yourself, your own feelings.
Let’s not forget to give ourselves some credit for facing those uncomfortable feelings, and never forget that we are always ENOUGH, just as we are, right NOW.
I’m going to leave a link to a video of the brilliant Brené Brown The Power of Vulnerability
“To feel this vulnerable, means I’m alive.”