Today after having a bit of a breakdown, it got me thinking of just how much I am actually in control.
My thoughts do not control me. I am always in control. Even when I was in such a panic state, it was the acknowledging and consciously changing my thoughts that helped me to eventually ground myself.
When I became mindful, I remembered that I’m not this anxiety and panic, they do not define me.
In fact, I am so much stronger because of all of this (even though at the time I really felt the opposite).
I am in control of my monkey mind.
I am in control of my self-care routines.
I am in control of accepting myself, my body, just as it is.
I am in control of loving myself.
But as much as in control I am, I am able to surrender to the only moment that matters, this one, right here, right now!
In this moment, I am always okay. I can always cope with the present moment. And so can you!
We can’t love our bodies if we don’t first learn to love ourselves. It means taking the control of those negative, destructive patterns/thoughts. Learning to be kind to ourselves, believe in ourselves and learning to cope with things in healthy ways rather than in destructive ways.
We all deserve to love ourselves. It doesn’t make us ‘big headed’ if we do!!! Anyone that ever tries to bring you down for accepting yourself, has their own issues (still not an excuse to be a dick), but we can just be understanding and not letting others affect how we feel.
If you are still reading this, I want you to say that you love yourself, actually say it, out loud! How does that make you feel? It’s a bit weird at first, right? You might not agree with it for a long time, but if you are able to just acknowledge how far you have come, what amazing things you have already accomplished, that actually you are a pretty cool person, that your mental health issues do not define you -you might just start slowly finding reasons to love yourself or at least be a little bit kinder to yourself.
That’s what I’m trying to do. And today, more than ever made me realise, that yes I still a long way to go with it.
But, I am so grateful for this body, the one I have right now!
My body is squishy and that’s OKAY!!
Six months ago I wouldn’t think I’d be able to post a picture like this for thousands of people to see. And y’know what? It feels fucking awesome!! Because I’m not ashamed of it anymore, I’m not trying to desperately change it. I’m just making peace and learning to love and accept it more and more every single day.
Remember, it’s all about the journey, not the destination.
You deserve to be loved and to love yourself!