9th December 16
Tonight I had my first bigger (but still nothing compare to as bad as they used to be) panic attack. Which basically meant that I had about a minute of extreme fear, the fight-flight mode was on and I thought I was dying. It felt like it came from ‘nowhere’..
I managed to bring myself back from it and ground myself pretty damn fast. And as I was going back to my room I told myself that I will not make myself feel bad about it! So instead I sat down on my bed, did breathing exercises and meditated.
Then I wrote, a lot, in my journal. I’m really great at over analysing things, so naturally the whole before, during and after panic attack kept playing in my head and I just needed to write it down to get it out if my head.
As I was doing that I also realised why I did feel the way I did. Eventually, I sat there feeling so extremely grateful, for a bloody panic attack!! I mean, that’s pretty unusual way to feel, even for me. But there I knew, that there was a reason for it. I knew it was my body’s way of telling me to “chill the fuck out”. I have definitely pushed and challenged my body a lot more this week, and that’s okay there’s no need to beat myself up for it. But the weekend’s plan is only gentle yoga allowed and maybe some cheeky dancing😜
Any trauma takes the time to heal. Healing is an ongoing process. It does take practice and being compassionate to yourself is something I need to remember and practise daily.
I’m just really pleased with myself and how I handled it, it just really shows me the amount of progressed I have made over this year, especially in the past six months!
Healing can be a beautiful journey (if we allow it to be), where we really get to know ourselves.
I’ve just been feeling extremely grateful for everything right now. Remembering that everything actually works in my favour. And harder times are when I learn and grow the most. 😊🙏✨💖